Words 23

WICKED BIG C

 

“Our health is the dearest treasure we have.  The more we learn about the ways to protect it, the larger blessing it becomes”

Doctor Phil Tardani

 

The professor does not cease to surprise me. This time he had been invited to  attend a symposium on Cancer and Cell Mutations, that took place in Vesenaz, a small suburb of

Geneva

,

Switzerland

. My interest resulted from the fact that I had spent some of my childhood years in that lovely village and, also, I could not miss the opportunity to learn the latest about this terrible illness.

“Prof, I did not know that you were also interested in such scientific disciplines. I always thought that your research objectives in the Life Sciences remained within the areas of large scale prevention of the more common illnesses and continuous encouragement for research.”

“Wrong conclusion on your part” replied the Professor. I have done work on Genetics and recently have looked at the most deadly of all cellular deficiencies. Cancer is still a major killer; cure and treatment of some of its many forms so far, has enjoyed a modest success. As in the case of DNA manipulation in stem cells, cancerous genes demand a special treatment. The difference is that such cancer research does not attempt against any procedures that might offend moral, ethical or religious ideas as is the case with Stem Cell research.”

Like most of the Professor’s projects in these important areas, his contribution was not limited to funding but also to actual work in development and the time consuming activity in the coordination of the various entities and specialists involved. I became instantly curious; he would not engage in such a delicate area unless there was something that could yield positive results. I said:

“If you promise to explain to me in terms that can be understood by a Junior High student, I shall be glad to brew the coffee, cut a few pieces of that Belgian Coffee cake, warm them in the microwave and pour two modest shots of Remy Martin!”

He laughed and answered;

“Agreed.  While you busy yourself in the pantry, I shall look at my notes.”

In few minutes we sat down in front of the coffee table where the  tray of goodies and the coffee were on display. He begun:

“The starting point of this project is simply that the genes of a person with cancer have been successfully decoded and in the process they found a set of mutations that may be the cause of the disease.”

“How did they managed that?”

“The cells of a patient who died from leukemia sequenced all the DNA from her cancer cells  and that allowed for comparison with the DNA from her healthy cells. In the process, they identified several mutations in the cancer cells. These were responsible for abnormal growth and somehow neutralized the effects of chemotherapy, which has been partially successful in the elimination of mutant cells.”

Aware that the Professor would enlighten me and in the process throw at me a few hundred new scientific terms, I had to ask:

“What the heck is that DNA genome sequence that seems so popular this day? Popular among the learned ones, that is.”

‘Think of DNA as a string of pearls, except that we call the pearls nucleotides and the string a genome. Now, what they discussed in Vesenaz was an update on some of the more salient conclusions of the Human Genome Project in the year 2000, which produced the largest DNA sequence ever assembled.”

“How about that ‘sequencing’ that is often mentioned/’

“It is a biochemical method used to determine the order of bases in the nucleotide string and from there identification can be made of mutants and other deficiencies. Since cancer is strictly a disease of the genome, it is important to know about the rules that affect some of those components that take the wrong way!”

We honored some of the cake and after a cautious sip of the cognac, I asked the Professor:

“Where do stem cells figure in all this?’

“So far we can only guess. The field of application is limitless. In few words, my friend, stem cells can be used in what I would call ‘tissue engineering’, or the possibility to patch up or build entire sections of organs using the patient’s own cells. This way if you rebuild some tissue or organ in your body, you will not need that eternal need to take strong medicines that will protect you against rejection.”

I continued to be amazed at the possibilities that new scientific investigations are beginning to suggest eventual cure for all ailments and probably eternal life. I said so.

The Professor laughed:

“Not so fast, my friend. Do not plan to stem cell yourself and expect that there will be a marked improvement in your ballroom dancing or, more important, in your golf game. My own research of your aptitudes in such important fields is that there is no hope!”

BRIGHT FUTURE

“Nations invariably suffer the consequences best described by the precept that says that you end up lying in the bed that you just  made up!”  Maruta

 

It is Christmas 2009 at the White House:

 

Joe Lieberman knocked on the door of the Oval Office and,  after hearing the voice of Sarah Palin, the Vice President, telling him to come in, entered carrying the mid morning tray. For Joe, it had been a great year.  After many years of toiling for a wrong set of principles, he had found the rebirth of his emotions, ambitions and desires in the magnanimous treatment he had received from the previous occupant of the White House and the specific recommendation that he made to his successor to preserve Joe’s position and privileges.

 

President McCain sat in the special reclining chair behind the desk discreetly connected to a battery of electronic screens, monitors and sensing devices cleverly hidden within the oak antique cabinet behind the chair. Sarah Palin, the Vice President stretched out on one of the large sofas that had been fashionably covered with Kodiak Bear skin.

Joe proceeded to serve the two cups of coffee and to remove the cover of the tray containing the Vice President’s midmorning snack of Alaska Sea Urchins, boiled Whale Tongue in a cabbage and mustard sauce, and the tasty Juneau crackers. The President’s snack on the other hand, consisted of a multicolored variety of pills taken with Arizona Honey diluted with Anheuser-Bush beer.

Anticipating a major policy discussion in his presence, Joe finally felt the elation and pride that had eluded him for too long. Mowing the lawn of the White House, driving the ranch’s pick up truck to run errands in nearby Crawford, and having had to learn to saddle the president’s favorite mare were not the tasks he expected, or was qualified to do. But being near the sources of power, international  intrigue and universal relevance, was enough for him.

Vice President Sarah Palin read from her pink leather-covered notebook:

’The invasion of Iran went like Vaseline on a dog sled. Same as Afghanistan; there was no need to ‘surge’ or build miles of tall walls to keep noisy students quiet. The great news was that Syria has joined our armies same as Lebanon,Oman, Ethiopia, Yemen and what is left of Iraq. The Egyptians are thinking about it, while Israel has agreed to supply rockets, fine bolts of gabardine, chicken soup, water bottles and aspirins to the new coalition. OPEC, the Emirates and Saudi Arabia agreed to drill and produce crude oil in accordance with strict schedules. Gasoline is now sixty cents a gallon in the US!

President McCain smiled satisfied and proud of having a most efficient vice-president. She had already shown molten steel in her veins and her extensive female attributes have made Dick Cheney appear as an elderly, mild, vacillating and timid executive. He smiled at Joe and asked : “Joe, where is Lindsay Graham?”

Joe, still standing up by the door answered quickly:

“He went to Walmart to buy napkins and toilet paper after he finished iroing your shirts” He paused and then asked the vice president:

“How about the Immigration problems? Has Lou Dobbs, the new Secretary of People Displacements, secured the borders?”

“Not yet” answered Sarah as the President was now busy on the phone talking to someone about new orange dresses, 5,000 dollar shoes and the new and improved Botox treatments.

She looked at Joe and asked him;

“Joe, why the hell are you so concerned about illegal immigrants?’

Joe blushed and in a low tone replied:

“If we let Lou Dobbs secure our borders, where is our family enterprise, the Lieberman Domestic Employment Agency going to get its workers?”

Dancing with the Stars

 

The Professor was mad at me. We had agreed to meet at 8 pm to sign an important agreement. My delay led to postponement of the meeting.

“What in heaven’s name happened to you?”

It was a mild reproach that nevertheless made me feel bad and reconfirmed my reluctance to have dinner with my TV producer friend who insisted on having the infernal screen on during the meal.  Instead of serving dinner at a decent hour as he and his wife usually do, this time they had an important guest other than me. It was the usual mogul whose generous pockets would shortly finance one of my friend’s TV ventures.

The meal was not bad except that the screen showed in all its misery that popular program “Dancing with the Stars”! I could not think of an excuse drastic enough to get up off the table and rush into the evening traffic. I suffered in silence.

“What was so terrible about having the program Dancing with the Stars as dinner background? “ Asked the Professor.

“Well, for one thing, dancing is the wrong term. When you have a couple of great athletes that seemingly have been starched inside and out ,that move in spasms, gyrations, stiff turns and sequences with a minimum of grace and beauty, no great meal is going to reduce the pain and revulsion.”

“Tell me more’ he urged.

“Dance is or should be a blend of rhythm, beauty and music, not a gymnastic exhibition performed by dummies who believe that keeping a robot attitude, a stiff back and an artificial sense of coordinated motion, they are performing a dance!”

I paused for a moment and then declared:

“Our next president would do well to forbid  these spectacles to take place. They are anti-American, attempt against the laws of inertial navigation, erode the sense of naturalness, equilibrium and grace of our youth and gives the US the image of a country that encourages its people to defy gravity and wear uncomfortable shoes!”

The French Pomme 71123

 More than fifty years after the first atomic test took place in Alamogordo in New Mexico, there shouldn't be much more that can be learned about the behavior of atomic explosions whether they are caused by plutonium, enriched uranium, or prune pits. There have been more that 10,000 tests conducted by the various atomic powers since then. The tests have covered just about everything there is to cover: from nuclear warheads -- a priority in our humane, progressive, and "foresighted" society -- to delivery systems, dirty bombs, clean bombs, fuel mixtures, reaction rates, particle bombardment, above ground, underground, underwater, particle suppression and release, gamma and beta ray counts, polen counts, and expense accounts.

 Nicolas Sarkozy and I go back a long way. We attended the Paris Institute of Political Studies and shared a passion for Italian race cars and cute German tourists. When he was elected president of France I visited him and the moment I saw him I said in a tone of gentle sarcasm: “Mon chere President!” He looked at me and with a big smile pulled a Dick Cheney directive on me. No need to be more explicit. We agreed to meet for an informal meal, something hard to do given the concerns of his security staff. The next day, as agreed, he just showed by himself at the place  he had selected.

 “So, why is France planning to do more tests of some old plutonium bombs in the same area of Mururoa, in the South Pacific? Your people could easily go to any scientific bookstore in the US and select any one of the hundreds of textbooks on atomic explosions. Their knowledge would be more than fulfilled. They can also fax the AEC (Atomic Energy Commission) and order some of those profusely illustrated manuals that have been so useful to Israel, Pakistan, Brazil, China, North Korea, Iraq,  Iran and the Spectre organization. So why test?”

I asked this question to Monsieur Le Président as we were having our afternoon Pastis in a small bar in front of the Lamark-Clignancourt metro station in Paris.

 "Atomic research never stops: work needs to be done on isotopes, quark lepton accelerators, beta decay vaporizers, alpha neutrino absorption emitters, gluon discoloration spectrographs, nuclear medicine, and irradiation techniques that are used in agriculture and oyster breeding," he answered in a meaningful and serious tone. I observed:

 "I'm surprised. For a man whose education has been limited to our beloved political puzzles, you seem to know a lot about nuclear  energy."

 "I'm a smart biscuit, I'm also French Hungarian remember, and I have very good scientific advisers."

 For a moment there, as I captured his accent, the image of Inspector Clouseau flashed through my mind. But I knew that this man was more dangerous than the poor Inspector. Far more dangerous for he was gracefully arrogant.

 "Those scientific advisers," I pointed out, "are actually military men who work for the weapons industries."

 He raised one eyebrow in disdain. "They work for me, and they've assured me that the tests are totally harmless," he said, glacially.

 "Well, if they're so harmless, why don't you do the tests in the Bois de Boulogne?"

 "Don't be ridiculous. Besides it would be inhumane to put all those hookers and travesties out of business?"

 I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay, the hookers and travesties need their working space. But can't these tests be done in a small laboratory scale? Must you blast a whole island and disrupt an entire ecosystem to find out if a few gamma rays show up in your meters?"

 "We haven't the simulation technology to do so."

 "The US does. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their know-how."

 "Ha! Then they'd find out how backward we are."

 "I'm sure they already know. Hell, they're probably in the age of death rays, interstellar travel, black hole vacuum cleaners, and anti-gravity school buses. Atomic weapons seemed to have been dismantled and sold to antique furniture stores years ago."

 "But the glory of La France--"

 I interrupted him. "Hold it Nicolas, hold it, right there. There is no glory if the whole world is against you. What's more, whatever glory you held in the past, does not reflect in your blatant act of destruction in the present and your lack of goodwill for the future."

 "But this is an act of goodwill, bon Dieu!"

 "You must be joking. You've broken a moratorium, you're polluting the Pacific, and you're fabricating weapons, and you call that an act of goodwill. You are beginning to act like the Iranians. No wonder you never caught the Pink Panther; you've got your signals crossed and you are teeming with incompetency."

 "You're making too much fuss about the Pacific. It's just a miserable little island in the cu du monde. Forget about it. Let the tourists come here to France, instead of spending their money on coconut oil and coral bracelets."

 I grimaced in disgust. "That's not a very civilized attitude, considering the history of our beloved France," I pointed out.

 "There's no place for the past in my administration. I have to think of the future, it's what counts, it's what will get me re-elected."

 "So much for the future," I muttered.

 He glared at me and I smiled back. "Okay, let's drop it. Cela suffit. How about some lunch?" I suggested.

 He shrugged in his typical French way and turned to study the menu that was posted on a chalkboard by the door. "I think I'll only have the apple pie."

 "Why? What's wrong with the fish, it is the specialty here and looks delicious, Bora-bora thon mariné à la sauce au citron avec des pomme de terres à la Bolivienne."

 He shook his head. "Fish is out!" he declared.

 "Why is that, some religious discipline, some Gaullist tradition?" Or was he being cheap?

 "No, it's Pacific fish. It's bound to have radioactive residues and a long radioactivity half life from our past glorious tests, and I don't want to end up looking like a highway reflector ."

The Peacemaker

THE PEACEMAKER

Marco Miranda

 

He spends a lot of time promoting a housing charity for the destitute. And when he's not preaching to his faithful, he actually does manual work on wooden frame houses. We met at the site of one of them where he was busy nailing six inch nails to fiberboard panels on a wooden structure.
"How is the peacemaker today?" I asked. His hammer stopped in midair. "You got it all wrong, my heart is fine . . . I only have a little problem with my hearing."
"I said peacemaker and not pacemaker, sir. Anyway, how are your efforts in behalf of peace."

 

Oh, I see. Well, there's a lot of work to do. Did you know that there are right now twenty-seven conflicts around the world? Twenty-seven grim reminders of man's stupidity, of man's incredible race to self destruction."

 

"I didn't realize that there were so many. I can think of no more than three or four. Especially those that have benefited from your services. Like Somalia, Middle East, Cuba, Haiti, South Africa."

 

"For a member of the press you don't seem to be well informed. Maybe you should spend more time in the news room."

 

"I can only handle one war at a time," I said in my own defense.

 

He nodded knowingly and then proceeded to tell me, in a tone that reminded me of my Sunday school teacher, all about how patience plays a major role in foreign relations and the peacemaking process. After about a dozen nails, I asked:

 

"What is the truth behind the claim that in the past you have taken matters into your own hands, and proceeded to act without the knowledge and support of either the President or the State Department?"

 

Again, he stopped in mid air with the hammer in his hand and turned toward me. His blue eyes seemed to have turned a darker shade, more like plutonium gray. He finally smiled and that famous grin of his burst upon his face.

 

"An exaggeration, of course. But sometimes you gotta do things at the spur of the moment, and you can't afford to waste time in bureaucratic procedures. You see, the State Department is a paper-processing property. Wars and conflicts have to wait for the proper paperwork to be completed. And it isn't a matter of covering their collective asses, it's simply that the paperwork is in itself an end. If some nation were to declare war on the United States, they would more likely give up after a while because of all the corresponding forms they'd have to fill out. It's easier to declare war on smaller countries, like Honduras, for example, where there's less paperwork. Here in the US there are vouchers, applications, database compilations, formulaires, questionnaires, inter-office memos, internal communications, color-coded crisis updates, e-mail resource control, privileged mail routings, requisitions, FYEO mail, expense accounts, situation reports, conclusion memos, data summaries, spread sheets, condensed sheets, option lists, objective statements, abstracts, indexing and parameter cards, and, you won't believe this, there's even a master form that you have to fill out that lists all the forms that you will be using."

 

"No wonder it takes them so long to renew my passport!" I said.

 

"Just imagine how long it takes them to sign a peace accord. The peace agreement for the Vietnam War started in the Kennedy administration and they didn't finish the paperwork till the Nixon administration! It's no wonder that senseless war lasted so long."

I waited pen and notebook on hand while he rearranged another panel board and started again to hammer away, to ask:

“How about your latest book? The world Jewish community and its corresponding followers in this country have almost unanimously accused you of displaying anti-Semitic tendencies. Any comment?”

‘And how!” he exclaimed while he hit a nail with great force and accuracy. He sighed and continued:

“I tried to be as objective as I could in a situation that is full of tangential reasons, excuses, self righteousness and convenient ignorance of historical facts on all sides. Let me give you my reasoning in a nut shell”

He came down the steps, sat on the bench where I was parked, wiped his brow with one of those handkerchiefs that you only see in the Southwest of the country and added:

“Just imagine for a moment that we are in the year 2100. China, India, Japan, Russia and Brazil have just signed a peace agreement that ends hostilities in several fronts and are now the Superpowers on the planet. The US is now a far away country devoted to agriculture, mining, cattle raising and manufacture of toys. Its neighbours, Canada and Mexico are close associates and customers and further linked by a common religion that was developed in mid century.” He paused to order his thoughts and then said:

“The great powers decide to create a new country in the middle of the United States; it would include Kansas, Oklahoma, Nebraska and Missouri. They would plan to resettle the refugees from Tibet and Outer Mongolia there. How do you think the natives in those states would feel? Especially if they are relegated to a minor role, their properties taken over and can no longer raise their crops or make toys?”

He smiled and added:

“I know what you next question is going to be. What is the rationale of such move?” I kept silent so that he answered himself:

“Simple. The claim was made that before the Europeans arrived in the New Continent, the local tribes had originated in Asia and therefore, their descendants had as much reason to settle in America as the ancient invaders did!”

I commented: “Interesting reasoning but full of holes, Mister President. I could spend the rest of the day pointing at cases that could occur if backed by similar reasoning. He shook his head and said:

“Yup, except that the Israel Palestine situation is happening now and no amount of red tape can help settle it. This problem needs dedication, understanding and patience!”

“You mean diplomacy supported by a reasonable amount of red tape?” I countered to which he said:

“Absolutely, as long as you keep the red tape within civilized limits”

"So that's why you work on the fringe, too much red tape stands in the way of peace."

 

"Too much red tape and too much stupidity," he said, his speech revealing a keen mind and an energetic attitude that belies the kind, carpenter-like appearance.

"What's your next project?"

"It's a tough decision. Bsides out involvements in Afghanistan and Iraq there is a guerrilla war in Guatemala; there's the war between the gold diggers and the Brazilian Indians in the Amazon; then, of course, there's the war in Darfur and Myannar; there's also the war between the Tamil rebels and the Indian government; and there's also . . ." He stopped, shook his head half in despair, then hammered a nail with all his force. "This is ridiculous, too many darn wars!"

"That's why people like you are necessary," I said, trying to cheer him up.

"Yes, I guess you're right. Maybe we can make a difference. Sometimes, however, I feel more like a caterer, than a peacemaker."

"A caterer?"

"Yes, because when those peanut-brained war faring parties meet at the conference table, all they want to do is stuff their mouths with Beluga caviar and French oysters, drink Dom Perignon champagne, smoke Montecristo cigars, and spend most of their money on women of ill-repute."

"When do they have time to talk about peace?" I asked, surprised by this sudden revelation.

"When they're all recovering from their hangovers. That's why they look so grim and sallow." He kept digging into his leather carpenter pouch and coming out with more nails. He would hold the nail in place and with one swift stroke would sink it halfway in. Then, he would aim again and in a quick staccato of sure taps the nail would sink contentedly into the board.

"You know how to hit the nail on the head" I ventured. "It's probably a useful talent to have at the negotiating table."

He sighed and said: "If we could only train people in the basics of Peacemaking, this world would be a great place. Everyone would know how to settle their conflicts. No more divorces, no more baseball strikes, no more pillow fights, no more elections, no more traffic tickets, and no more forms to fill out!"

"Then you'd be out of a job," I said.

He stopped and thought it over. Then he declared, "I can live with that – at peace with myself, at peace with the world."

And Bang! He hammered another nail in.

 

A Chat with Russia's President Vladimir Putin

After the ceremonial greetings and the cup of Odessa Tea accompanied by delicate open faced sandwiches of Latvian Cheese and Minsk Cured Ham, we sat down to review some of the events taking place at the G8 meeting in Heiligendamm.

“Mister President, I understand that you are bitterly opposed to the US Missile shield that President Bush and his Generals plan to install in

Eastern Europe”

 

The President is an austere man and a quiet one. He drank some tea, all the while nodding at its exquisite taste and then carefully selected a sandwich that was well covered with the famousMinsk

brand. He nodded again and without waiting to finish chewing, savoring and ingesting the sandwich, replied:

 

“Joe, I believe that your president has again been misled by some of his planners. He has the same problem that I have; some of my aides are forever plotting either offensive campaigns or on the verge of developing extended defensive schemes. If it isn’t one of our ex republics this time, it is China,  India, the USor the entire Islamic club another time”

 

I finished my second cup of tea and a couple more open faced sandwiches and asked: 

“Did you really mean to retarget your own missiles on Western Europeand the US?”

 

Our President’s missile defense plan, utilizing the famous Star Wars Missile Shield that had its inception during the Reagan years and was adopted by Secretary Rumsfeld, would consist of a major radar center in the Czech Republic and a collection of interceptor rocket silos in Poland. Why select these two countries that border Russia? The answer is simple; none of the other European countries, with the exception of perhaps Albania, which is still under the spell of the brave cowboy from New   Haven that conquered Saddam Hussein, would dream of having nuclear weapons within their borders.  I tried to explain to President Putin that President Bush insisted that the missile defense shield was aimed at potential nuclear threats from Iran, not Russia.

 

President Putin listened attentively to my explanation that, incidentally, had been drilled into me that morning by the White House National Security Adviser, Steve Hadley. He nodded affably as he usually does and then said: 

“I do not understand why go through all the trouble of installing a missile shield in Europe, to protect the

US, when Iran is still years away from having nuclear weapons and the long range missiles needed to reach the continental US. If your president is concerned about Iran – as it seems to have been the case in the last few years – why doe he not begin at the beginning?. Talk to the Iranians. Sooner or later they will realize that trying to be the fastest gun in the Middle East only leads to the Okay Corral!”

 

I was impressed by his comparison and said so. He smiled and replied: 

“I am a western movie addict. If you ever come to Moscow and if you like western movies, come to my dacha and you can see from the oldest Spaghetti Western to the gay cowboys movie and the  latest David Duval western!”

 

He turned serious and said: 

“I see no reason why we can not arrive at a reasonable agreement. I am hoping that President Bush and his generals realize that covering my flanks with missiles does not lead to friendly relations. They will be forcing me to retarget my own missile to Europe; and here we go again. A small spark and millions of people will pay with their lives”

 

He paused and then continued: 

“How would the US like it if us, or China or Pakistan install missile systems in the borders of Mexico

with the US, or on the borders of Canada with the US?”

 

“What would be your excuse?” I asked. 

“A reason as absurd as the present one about protecting the US against Iranian missiles. We could claim that we fear an attack from Burkina   Faso,Morocco or New Zealand. Listen, I offered President Bush the joint use of our missile control station in Azerbaijan. You see, that facility is only 800 miles from Iran whereas Poland is more than 3 thousand miles and the US about 10,000.”

 

“What was his reaction, Mister President?’ 

“He said he would check with Nancy Pelosi!” 

 

astrous@comcast.net

The Professor - Path to Victory, or Whatever

The Professor

Path to Victory, or Whatever

“Professor, we must have a serious talk about the Iraqi situation. I believe it is important that you air your opinions on this matter and help me form my own. Your influence extends to an important sector that relies on your weighted opinions, and I have a group of followers, mainly female, that also depend on my wise expositions in order to appear intelligent and well informed”

The Professor looked at me and laughed heartily. He lit the Cohiba he had been cradling in his fingers and after taking a couple of robust drags, said:

“You are right, old Bean. It is not only us that require a bit of review of this most unfortunate incident in our history. Now we are in the stage of the Benchmarks; a handy little handle for datelines in Iraq

. As I recall, not long ago in Annapolis, President Bush introduced a new slogan for his Iraq policy: “Plan for Victory.”  As usual his spin gurus took advantage of the opportunity to decorate the stage with a large color screen showing those brave words. Those gurus must have been the same mentally handicapped dreamers that installed the ‘Mission Accomplished’ sign on the deck of the aircraft carrier back in 2003!”

“I hope they do not attempt another slogan with the benchmarks” I said. Then, the Professor added:

“I doubt it. I believe the time is past for slogans and cute phrases. The President is beginning to look for a way out. He continues to emphasize the progress made by the Iraqi troops and his confidence in the new Commander, General Petraeus, while at the same time looking from a corner of his eyes at Nancy and Henry.”

“Fine Professor. But I can not help wondering if anyone close to the President, Cheney and Condi has ever asked them why they embarked in such quixotic adventure? Or better yet ‘Why did fifty million Americans re-elect someone who was clearly not qualified to run the most complicated and demanding presidency on the planet?”

He nodded and poured more cognac in our sifters. I continued:

“If it wasn’t for the thousands dead and injured in the Iraq campaign, this war would be the ideal subject for a Chaplin comedy. I remember Cheney’s enthusiasm and his assurances about a reception to our troops with flowers, candy and martial melodies, while Rusmfeld proudly expounded on his New Warfare Technology that required only one thousand bombers and 14 infantry men in sports clothes in two tanks, three jeeps and one Hummer.”

‘Yes and don’t forget the famous “last throes”, “turning the corner”, “completing the mission”, “staying the course”, added the Professor. He thought of a minute and then said:

“This administration, early on, adopted a strategy based on instilling fear, suspicion and hatred in the naïve American public. It was the best way to defuse the growing criticism of this Administration’s policies and its continuous failures. The terror equation never fails. The Greeks had their Macedonians; the Romans had the Gauls and the Barbarian tribes on the other side of the Alps. Later, the European kingdoms, who only had each other to blame and hate, developed sophisticated popular plans to create fear and uncertainty in order to reinforce their own creeds and doctrines”

I said: “The question at this time is what is the best way to clean the mess up. We have a stubborn President supported by a small group of hard core so called conservatives whose unwavering beliefs exclude any form of consensus. On the other hand we have a Democratic Party still recovering from years in the basement and suffering from too many opinions”

The Professor thought for a minute and then declared:

“This invasion is closely tied to a serious erosion of values in our country. Corruption, nepotism, political maneuvering, attempts against the Constitution and our basic Civil Rights, and a large etcetera of abuses are integral parts of the package. It will take some time to get things back under control. Now, the Iraq situation. In my opinion, forget about victory and Petraeus rhetoric, and withdraw the troops. Send Condoleezza back to Piano School and replace her with a seasoned diplomat that can start a series of negotiations with the Iraqi factions. Re-open talks with Palestine and Israel Syria, Lebanon and Iran.  Attention must also be devoted to Afghanistan,Pakistan and India. This seasoned diplomat should at the same time mend the fences with countries like France,Germany, and the European Union members, keeping Russia and China in the picture. Anything short of what I have enumerated, means continuing pain and disaster!”

I just had to say it: “ Professor, great nutshell. One question?”

“Yes?”

“What will this talented diplomat do with his spare time?”

 

 

astrous@comcast.net

At The White House - The Wolfowitz Case - 7512

At the White House – The Wolfowitz Case – 7512

 

It had been a busy week for the President and the First Lady. That trip to

Kansas

, as brief as it was, had nevertheless caused more stress than a meeting with Pelosi and Reid. And then, the royal visit. For the First Lady it had been an exercise in “gala management”; something not very frequent at the White House. She and the President preferred the barbecue meals at the ranch in Crawford, the fried cat fish and the tender ears of corn with which you could play sweet melodies and gain few calories at the same time.

 

The Queen had been an unexpected pleasure; they had been led to believe that British royalty exhibit, above all, the customary empire arrogance accompanied by  tender condescension toward others. Not the case with Elizabeth II; she was chatty, well informed and quite interested in all the member of the White House family. Still, the program for her visit had been especially varied and demanding.

 

The First Lady attacked the scrambled eggs and the bacon with gusto while the President stood by the window overlooking the grounds of the White House and gazing thoughtfully at the distant smog covering the familiar outlines of DC. She said:

 

“George, what is with Wolfie?”

 

“”Is that all you can ask this early in the morning? Why don’t you ask about our growing economy, our low unemployment, our increasing net worth as a country as reflected by our values market, our decreasing foreign debt and Dick Cheney’s successful campaign in the

Middle East

?”

 

“Listen War President, all those items you mention are expected of you by the people of this country. You must remember that we are a country in the making; it needs constant repairs and renovations and above all it needs honest and capable people. If you don’t have that kind of people, you might as well take me back to

Texas

!”

 

The President laughed, but not too convincingly, and replied:

 

“Why do you pick on Wolfie? He is not the only rotten one in the crop!”

 

The First Lady poured some more coffee in both their cups and after pouring some low fat milk, and a small sachet of Equal, she sentenced:

 

“Teddy Roosevelt used to say that a dirty shirt is nothing but an extension of a dirty mind, a dirty conscience and a lousy washing machine. Public officials must be like brand new, clean shirts Your Paul started out by pushing you into the

Iraq

episode. In his dirty mind, he imagined Weapons of Mass Destruction, Lethal Gases and a couple of million of fanatic infantrymen ready to invade and destroy Western civilization. A ten year old could have told you that

Iraq

, ten years after being clobbered in the Gulf War had no means nor intentions to attack anyone. Saddam just took you for a ride and made your spooks believe that he was armed to the teeth. Bottom line is that Wolfie started out with a very dirty shirt!”

The President frowned, reached for another warm pretzel and replied:

 

“If I was you I would keep all those thoughts to myself. You can not condemn my administration and its dedicated officers just because  Wolfie got carried away by a relationship made sublime by the swift currents of passion and true love. But dear First Lady, he is guilty of unrequited love and deserves an acquittal of any charges thereof!”

 

“Great, Mister President. Wait till the others hear about this !”

 

“What others?’

 

“Tom Delay, Jack Abramoff, Alberto Gonzalez, Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Don Rumsfeld, Harriet Meiers, Richard Pearl, Doug Feith, Mike Brown, want me to go on?”

 

astrous@comcast.net

Overheard at the VP's Office-7312

"Please explain to me why you are accusing the Democratic Party and anyone who opposes your policies as being anti-patriotic and helping the enemy?" 

The Vice President is given to fits of temper. I feared that my question would unleash a tirade against me, the messenger; it is a usual and proven tactic. Do not answer the question; attack the one posing it. But he stayed within the limits of propriety, I thought: 

"Listen, even my cat understands that if you oppose a thesis, you are actually favoring the opposite of what that thesis embodies. For instance, the opposite of adding more troops in Iraq is simply to remove more troops in Iraq, and that is music to our enemy's ears. It follows that anyone disagreeing with our policy is in effect siding with the enemy. The democrats and many others are guilty of that. Logic can not be twisted nor watered down like some of you so called journalist are prone to do."

"That is a fine way to twist logical thought, Mister Vice President. By your answer I can safely conclude that the Democratic Party has evolved into an enemy of the policies endowed by your administration and constitute – in accordance with the most clear dictates of the Logic you apply – a threat to our security as dangerous as that posed by the Iraq insurgents"

"You said it. I didn't."

"Are we to begin putting Democrats and others in concentration camps and – according to current fashion – begin a program of torture and personal harassment?"

"Not a bad idea. By the way do you have your personal effects with you?"

He smiled and pressed the red button.

astrous@comcast.net   -   http://words23.typepad.com/words_23/

Overheard at the Professor's-7310

 “Sometimes vacations can be more exhausting than spending a uninterrupted 24 hours drilling in a coal mine in West Virginia or an 8 hour shift at the shredder in the West Wing basement!” 

The Professor laughed politely and was quick to comment: 

“I always said that idleness and the pursuit of the pleasures of life to the exclusion of all else can only lead to tired blood, mental tedium and poor digestion” 

His pause was the exclamation point to the observation he had just made. Then, he continued: 

“I hope you have kept up with our current scandals” 

¨Barely, Professor. Please up date me” 

“Simple matter dear friend. The strategy of this administration is both clever and simple. If you have a major and compromising issue that incites the masses and the media, you immediately create, release or insinuate another issue of similar impact. This way you keep the hounds off you and gain some time to regroup and fortify your defenses”

 “I think I have heard this before. But keep the analysis for your graduate students and tell me about the current currents”

 “The US Attorneys firings has brought back the unpleasant aromas of decaying sardines or
New Jersey 's industrial belt. As this event hogs the headlines, the Libby Spy scandal goes to the back of the bus."

 "Fine Professor, but I still think that most of these matters should be pursued to the end and hopefully lead to the banishment of the President, retrieval of the medals granted, recovery of fees paid, cancellation of contracts signed, and reassessment of undeclared wars!"

 The Professor nodded in agreement and observed:

 "I am not going to bore you with a long historical review of all these matters but will devote a minute or so to the current Libby scandal. Just a flash review, Okay?".”

 “Great, Professor! Release the brakes!”

 “John Ashcroft told Alberto about the leak re Valerie Plume, Joe Wilson’s wife. Alberto had a hairdresser appointment that evening and could not notify Andrew until the next morning. At that time Alberto informed GW and his loyal choir, Karl, Dick and Condi. Armitage is the lobby listening to the comings and goings. He tells Novak and Woodward. Meanwhile Novak exposes the deal in the Post. Everyone gets into denial mode. Scott first condemns the leak and then calls it ridiculous to suggest Karl knew anything about it. Then he shuts up hermetically. Same as Karl, same as Andy, same as GW, same as Dick, and Condi.  Cooper, the intrepid reporter appears. He quotes Karl. Karl looks the other way and the President revises his promise to fire squealers; now the squealers must be guilty of a major crime to be sent packing. The Investigating Committee jails Miller, another reporter whose crime is not clear since she did not publish anything. Talk about comedies, soap operas and tragic plays!”

 “How else can we hope to become a great banana republic?”

astrous@comcast.net

http://words23.typepad.com/words_23/