The
ones who knew Jay well, were against it. They had made every effort to convince
him that the post of Secretary of Welfare and Human Affairs in the US
Government was not what the title implied. They tried to convince him that the
secretary of Welfare and Human Affairs was an administrative job that answered
to political guidelines and had little to do with the welfare of the people and
their human affairs.
They
also tried hard to make him understand that before being nominated he would have
to face a severe scrutiny of his past
and would be the subject of innumerable checks on his personal life, his
qualifications, his beliefs and whether or not he had ever stolen hotel towels.
Other
acquaintances of his however appealed to his sense of justice and his
demonstrated charity toward human misery and managed to convince him that he
should make the effort.
His
decision was also influenced by the Secretary of Education. Jay had grown to
admire and respect the Secretary of Education
of the United States. Their brief acquaintance had been intense and shared a
respectable list of common interests. The Secretary, on his part, had been very
impressed with Jay and had especially enjoyed the many evenings that they had
spent together discussing history, politics, sex and religion. They developed a
sincere friendship that was based on the honest exchanges of opinions and the
deep respect they held for each other's views. The Secretary found Jay a little
old fashioned but quick to assume new ideas and adapt to today's realities. To him,
Jay seemed like a man that had been away for some time. But his power of
expression, his concern for people and his amazing intelligence placed him
above anyone the Secretary had ever met.
Jay
appeared to have encyclopedic knowledge about almost any topic and his speech
was spiced with the most remarkable and applicable proverbs and anecdotes. The
man was full of wisdom. And humor.
The
Jefferson Room, where the Senate Hearing was to be held was packed. TV cameras,
newscasters, government officials, reporters and foreign dignitaries occupied
every inch of space. There was suspense and expectation in the room. An unknown
person had been proposed by the Secretary of Education, backed by the President
for the important post of Secretary of Welfare and Human Affairs. Little was known about the man. The President was taking a chance that could
damage his political credibility. His
reputation as a shrewd judge of men's characters was also at stake..
And now, a group of tough minded senators - of
the opposition party - were about to probe into Jay's very soul. Senate Confirmation Hearings had long ago
lost their original purpose. It was no longer a matter of assessing a man's
capabilities and integrity but a TV show that in many ways gave a clumsy
imitation of the refined techniques of the Spanish Inquisition. Confirmation hearings were also key
ingredients of the political equation. Partisanship played a key role. At these
hearings, the members were - by party dictum -opposed to the appointee. The most qualified person would not be able
to pass this severe test, if he or she did not belong to the right Party or did
not have a substantial volume of political debts to collect, or to offer.
Just
before going to the Jefferson Room, the senators had met at the office of
the Speaker.
"Listen
you guys, we must make an example of this guy. I don't care who he is. He could be Jesus Christ for all I
care! We can not allow the White House to stomp all over us and continue to
impose on us their strange candidates! Let us just chop this guy to
pieces."
"Mister
Speaker" - interrupted the Junior Senator from Connecticut
-"What are we going to do
if this man does have the qualifications? We already have a full dossier on him
and he appears to be an outstanding person. I met him at a couple of functions at the White House and found him to
be an extraordinary human being. He is the type that could fill any post in the
Cabinet, or even the Presidency. He is just what the job and the country
need"
The
Speaker turned to the Junior Senator from Connecticut
and hissed:
"John,
the good of the country is another matter. You have your priorities mixed up!
This is war. Our party can not afford to be humiliated by the White House day
in and day out. Keep your do goodie goodie inclinations to yourself, and also that
pretty executive assistant of yours!"
The
junior Senator blushed all the way to the root canals in his mouth. He was
about to spit an "Asshole!" in the Chairman's face but held back when
he recalled that his father had a special relationship with the Chairman. His
father's Synthetic Fabric empire benefited from special concessions, subsidies
and tax advantages that the Chairman had managed - through the years - to
maintain inviolate.
After
this exchange, and it being time to proceed to the Jefferson Room, they stood
in a semicircle and in the best NBA fashion put their hands over the Chairman's
and nodded.
Minutes
later - and after everyone had taken their seats, the Chairman opened up the
session:
"Silence,
please!"
The
Chairman then proceeded to comply with the routine protocol of the hearing and in a few moments began
questioning Jay:
"What
is your full name, Sir?"
"Jay
C. Nazareth, Sir"
"Where
are you from? Your name does not sound real American like Smith, Hawkins,
Ingram or Taylor. What is its origin?"
"It
is a Middle Eastern name, actually the name of a district in Jerusalem
."
"Then
you are Jewish?"
"Yes
sir"
The
Chairman looked to his right to the Vice Chairman and, sneering, said in a low
voice:
"Winslow,
I told you. The fellow in the White House is out to embarrass the s--- out of
us!"
He
turned back and glared at the young man sitting below and in front of him. He
noticed that Jay did not have an attorney with him. He was sitting in front of
the 6 foot long table all by himself. There were no briefcases, binders, or
files on the table. Only the High Resonance Ultra Sensitive Knudson and
Courtney Model 560 microphone. His long,
delicate hands rested in front of him. The Chairman looked again. The man had a
unique presence. His well trimmed beard and his long hair seemed to complement
each other well. His eyes were fascinating - thought the Chairman - light brown
with an intensity that bordered on sunshine. And he appeared totally relaxed
and comfortable in the long white shirt he wore.
"What
is your occupation?"
"Sir,
I am a freelance PR man"
"Now,
what does that mean ?"
"It
means that I don't belong to any sect or political party and that I do my PR on
my own.."
The
Chairman looked at the thick dossier in front of him and continued:
"It
says here that your father was an executive with a cabinet making outfit, is
that right?"
"Yes
sir”
"I
also see here that since your early childhood, you helped the faculty of the
University in your town and that you also gave lectures to both faculty
members, PTA's and Rotary Clubs. Is that right?"
"Yes
sir"
"Well
then, you admit to having practiced teaching without having either an appropriate certification or a valid School
Board permit?"
"Yes,
I admit it, but let me say." - He was interrupted at that point by the
Vice Chairman, who, pointing a finger at Jay, yelled:
"Did
you know that it is a federal offense to practice anything in this country
without a proper license?"
Before
he had a chance to answer, which he wished to do, Jay was again faced by the
Chairman:
"While
it is not specifically recorded in your curriculum, we know that you have
performed as a magician, also without the proper license."
"Sir,
I do not know to what you refer."
"Well,
I am talking about your changing water into wine. That, Sir, is in clear
violation of the Food and Drug Administration and the Bureau of Firearms,
Tobacco and Alcohol regulations. It is again clear that you violated a number
of Health and safety measures and probably placed your customers at risk"
"Sir,
the magic is in the mind. The whole episode has been taken out of context. Just
like the trick about multiplying the loaves of bread.."
The
Vice Chairman, upon hearing this, raised his head abruptly. Anything about
bread was something that concerned him utterly. For many years he had enjoyed a close and personal
relationship with the CEO's of the 5 major Bread, Flour and Pastry companies in
the country. Yearly donations from these companies amounted to a full 90
percent of his campaign and promotion expenses. Then, there was the stand-by
Lear Twin Jet, the exotic bungalow in Kenneally Bay and the exciting
"virtual reality" sessions periodically - and discreetly -arranged by
his mentors.
The
Vice Chairman - who was as anxious as the Chairman to appear on camera as much
as possible - said in his usual loud voice:
"Ha!
you also admit to making bread illegally! “
"Well,
sir, it was a matter of feeding hungry children and.."
"No
ifs and buts here, sir!"
The
Vice Chairman was incensed and nearly out of control.. Was this man familiar
with the new bread-making technology that was supposed to quadruple the output
of a single oven and also reduce costs to a minimum? Was the man aware that the
5 companies had squelched - legally and
otherwise - all attempts by the developers of the Technology to make it available for licensing ? Was he aware that
the new formulations had reduced labor and material costs to a ridiculous
amount, and that profits had tripled in the last fiscal year? But before he could continue, another of the
members of the Committee tapped his microphone and said:
"We
have rumors that you have also dabbed in Medicine. It says here that you have
cured blindness, leprosy and other ailments. Sir, I ask you, are you a licensed
Medical Practitioner, a Med School Graduate, or even a Paramedic?"
"Jay
looked serenely at the Senator and in a clear voice said:
"Along
with sunshine, music and the beauty of life, there is also suffering and
disease on this earth. All I have done has been to comfort and cure the sick.
All this.."
Again
he was interrupted by the same Senator:
"Sir,
you must be aware that practicing medicine without the right credentials
is not only against the law of the land
but what I find even more irresponsible and unlawful is that
such practice is a clear attempt against the enlightened attitudes and interests of such traditional and valuable
American institutions as the AMA, the Pharmaceutical Industry, the Insurance
Companies, the American Bar Association, the Pharmacists Association, the HMO
Supreme Council, the FDA, the DAR and the NBA! Indeed, Sir, you come here pretending to assume a responsible position
in our government and all you can show us about your qualifications is a series
of law-breaking incidents in your life!"
There
was silence in the room. All eyes were fixed on Jay.
"Gentlemen,
I am aware that modern society has developed a number of controls and
procedures that are supposed to provide
its citizens with security and those elements, material and intangible,
that contribute to create goodwill among
people and contentment of one's own accomplishments. Society exists because
human beings need each other and - as far fetched as it might sound in this day
and age - human beings derive an inner satisfaction from helping others.
Society also exists because human beings have developed codes of conduct and
respect for one another, and that includes caring for others. As individuals we
must assume some responsibilities when we can be of assistance; when we can
help. There must be room for individual initiatives, as long as they are not
totally motivated by self interest. And I qualify this motivation because there
is always the knowledge that a reward - as small as feeling good about the deed might be - is always there. I consider this my case. In
no way have I ever benefited from some of the things I have done when helping
others..."
As he
spoke, the attention from everyone and the silence - almost reverential - were one.
His tone of voice was clear but gentle and it seemed to reach every corner of
the crowded room.
Again,
the tapping on a microphone interrupted the concentration that had gripped the
room. This time it was another member of the committee who spoke:
"Mr.
Nazareth, I see no need for abstract thoughts when we are trying to determine
your suitability to an important cabinet post. Just try to answer the
questions. For instance, I find here that at one time you conducted a campaign
against the financial
community
and succeeded in having several
financiers expelled from civic and religious groups. It also says that you
destroyed their data bases, Laptops and Laser printers. It seems that you were
accused of violent behavior during that incident, even though no charges were
made against you. Is this true ?"
"Yes,
I rebelled against the fast talking merchants of junk bonds, sub prime
mortgages, investment schemes and Ponzi scams that had infiltrated religious
and civic organizations in my city. I could not stand by while people of modest
means were being taken to the cleaners."
The
Senator blushed but no one noticed. He could not help thinking about his own
involvement in the S&L scandals and in his own backing of a Religious Talk
Show that generated a monthly cash flow capable of financing the complete air
conditioning of Brazil
.
"I better shut up", he thought.
The
next question came from a somber looking Senator, whose hairpiece, false teeth
and quartz-like eye glasses, all poorly installed, conjured at once one of
Picasso's more feeble efforts:
"The
Washington Police have reported that you have been charged more than once with
disturbing the peace at one of the public beaches. It seems that you were
luring bathers by performing some tricks on the water and making it look as if
you were walking on it. We have here that you did this near the Francis
Scott
Key
Bridge
and along the Heritage Trail all
the way down to the Arlington Memorial bridge and the vicinity of Roosevelt Island
. The Police reported that large crowds
assembled and interrupted traffic and - what is worse - they state that by your
attitude you caused a serious and dangerous situation as bathers and bystanders
tried to imitate you. Several had to be rescued from the placid waters of the Potomac
. This type of incident reveals a cavalier
attitude toward law and order. The same law and order that any proper Secretary
of Welfare and Human Affairs is supposed to defend and uphold. I remember that
during the Roosevelt
administration...."
At
that point, the Chairman interrupted him by turning off his microphone.
The
Chairman again took over. He was not entirely happy with the way things were
going. The subject seemed to attract everyone's goodwill by just sitting there.
And every time he said something, everybody seemed to hold their breath, even
if it was a simple "Yes, Sir". He decided he had to go for the
jugular.
“Mr.
Nazareth, we in the Government pride ourselves in the strict observance of
moral and ethical principles. We in the Government expect a similar inclination by all those wishing to become a part of it. Well,
then. We are interested in a period of your life in which you became involved
in an scandalous affair with a member
of the opposite sex. It is also reported that you offered aid and comfort to women
of dubious morality. How do you answer to that?"
Jay
could not help smiling. They were going to drag Mary Meg into this, after all.
If they only knew! He looked at the Chairman and said:
"Mr.
Chairman, there is no answer. Also, there is no question. You or your sources
have qualified an incident in my life as scandalous. You also question the
propriety of my having helped women under circumstances that - I am sure -
neither you nor your sources know anything about. As a man, I have been
attracted by women. And I have cherished their gentleness and their
understanding. We are all sons of women. We learn from the very moment we are
born to seek their love and their attention, instinctively. There is no moral
precept, nor teaching from any religion that condemns the attraction that men
feel for women and vice versa. None that
diminishes that unique sense of being complementary to each other. But I beg
you to look upon these incidents as simple forms of human charity, for that is
what they are. I am a believer in the pronouncements of all existing religious
faiths that suggest helping one another, for the act of helping another human
being brings about some of the finer feelings in man like gratitude,
recognition, affection and even love. And - after all - Jay smiled when he
finished the sentence: " Isn't that what Christian charity is supposed to
be ?"
Applause
broke from the gallery. One of the Committee members, a renowned lawyer,
sitting next to another lawyer, both respectable senators, whispered:
"Hey,
this boy is good. He did not answer anything. Did not admit a thing and filled
us with all that jazz about man-woman."
The
other Senator whispered back:
"You
are right. And the worst part is that the crowd loves it. We are going to have
to change tactics. This guy is too sharp for our Chairman."
Jay
had remained still and thoughtful. He did not like at all the way these
Senators evaluated a person's capacity and integrity. He asked himself if he
felt qualified for the job. He remembered his father's advise in this respect:
"When
faced with a new endeavor, be it an occupation, a personal initiative or even a pass time, always ask yourself if you are prepared to believe in what you are supposed to do; if
you are willing to make whatever
sacrifices might be called for and if you are ready to accept the risks that
might be involved. If the answer to any of these questions is no, don't do
it!"
He looked at the members of the Committee who
were now busily whispering and, it seemed, arguing. They were obviously trying
to convert some incidents in his past into examples of wrongdoing. It was
something he had already experienced and all he could think of was that it did
not matter. He had nothing to be ashamed of.
"But
they are not going to crucify me again", he said to himself. Once is
enough! They would not use the crude
wooden crosses now, he was sure. But they had a magnificent array of weapons,
electric chairs, poison gases, lethal injections, rap music, television shows, court
sessions, character assassination, slander, etc. All of them deadly.
He
remembered the garlic-smelling Roman guards and their Latin insensitivity. Poor bastards, half of them were corroded by syphilis
and who knows what other evil diseases that they had contracted in Gallia
, the Iberian Peninsula
and the Celtic
Islands
.
In short, it did not matter to him to get the
job. For a moment he regretted that his well meaning friends had convinced him
to opt for the job. He had been enjoying a carefree existence in Washington
D.C.
and had no real need to accomplish anything. His return had been a very casual
affair. There had been no Strategic Plan drawn up. Nothing about travel, contingencies,
return dates, etc. It seemed to him that there was no real purpose to his trip back to Planet Earth.
"Just
check and see how those humans are getting along" is all he was told.
But
then, once in Washington
,
he could not keep his mouth shut and began to say things that were too good for
the ears that listened to them. And before he realized it, he had created a
following and had begun to feel within him that revolutionary fervor of old.
"This
society needs some changes, just like they did a couple of thousand years ago.
So, while I am here I am going to do something. " he said to himself.
After
two thousand years, he always thought that mankind must have undergone
significant changes, hopefully positive ones. he thought. Great disappointment!
Forgetting electricity, cars, deodorants and Television, there wasn't much that
had changed. Man remained that controversial, imperfect shape that could give
you the greatest satisfactions in one century and brutally do away with one
hundred sixty million people in the next!
But it was fun. Washington
D.C.
was really a fun place. Everyone took themselves seriously. They lived
intensely and enjoyed both the pressures they lived under and the leisure they
sought incessantly. Their obsession with things impressed him a lot and
disappointed him at the same time. Avarice, greed and the quest for power had
not changed a bit. These senators were identical to the Roman Consuls,
Prefects, Pretors, Delegates, Super Delegates, and flunkies that tried to run the North African colonies in the old days . Only
difference was that these senators were all corseted by Hickey Freeman instead
of the flowing and comfortable Egyptian cotton robes or the dashing miniskirts
of the Pretorian Guards.
They
now paid for everything with Gold Visa cards and spent more time in the air than the crows of
the Upper Nile
. The old tradesmen and artisans
were now captains of industry and the money lenders were now respectable
looking robots dressed in black suits, white shirts and either bright red or
Orange neckties.
The
cabinet post of Secretary of Welfare and Human Affairs sounded like the right
pulpit from which he could try - again - to bring some sense into a human
species bent on destroying itself. Most of all, he wanted to do something for
the children of the world. He admitted that nowadays, they were better fed and
cared for than two thousand years ago, but only in a few areas of the planet.
In the rest, they lived in conditions worse than those in the most neglected
provinces of the Sudan
or those areas beyond the headwaters of the Nile
,
in his day.
He
toyed with the idea of performing a couple of miracles for these self important
windbags, but gave it up. They probably would not appreciate his craftsmanship,
used as they were to Dave Copperfield's flashy and vulgar
tricks. The people on this earth had enough problems without him adding to
their confusion.
The
senators stopped their low voice discussion and returning to their places,
allowed the Chairman to again address Jay:
"We
have some more incidents that we would like to review with you. Probably the
most serious concerns your performance with a certain Lazarus, whom we
understand was a wealthy video club owner and who - it is claimed - you had resuscitated.
Yes, resuscitated him! He explained at a
press conference that he returned from the dead days after his mortal demise.”
He paused to deliver his next line in a stronger tone:
“The
publicity in your favor was quite considerable. It has been rumored that after
this event, Lazarus and yourself set up a nation-wide chain of Health Resorts.
There is no evidence that Lazarus was not terminally ill nor that a death
certificate was ever issued in his name. The report is confusing as there
seemed to be contradicting versions from some of the witnesses. Now, we don't
know about your resuscitating powers. The Mayo Clinic tells us that a person is
clinically dead when there is no more brain activity and that there is no known
case of a person that has been declared clinically dead to return to life.
Certainly, never beyond 24 hours.
Some
reports indicate that hypnosis, the inducement of a cataleptic state through
the use of powerful depressants were probably used to give the impression to
Lazarus family that he was as dead as old Julius Caesar!"
"Gentlemen,
the case of Lazarus is unique. I am not referring to the clinical aspects of it
but to the fact that..."
Again,
he was rudely interrupted by the Chairman.
"Mr.
Nazareth, we find it very hard to believe that you feel qualified to serve in
as sensitive a post as that of Secretary of Welfare and Human Affairs. In these
hearings we have learned of your dubious accomplishments as a teacher, a
medical doctor, a magician and it seems also as a witch doctor. This committee
is not satisfied that you possess the necessary experience, background and
professional expertise to be able to lead and inspire the Welfare and Human
Affairs post. Our recommendations will be made to the Senate and to the
President in the next few days. Good day, sir!"
There
was silence in the room. Again, all eyes were fixed on Jay. The other members
of the Committee did not expect the session to be terminated as abruptly as it
had. But they were familiar with their Chairman's whims and were used to his
abruptness and peculiar tantrums.
After
a moment, a rising chorus of no's was heard. Some chanted 'We want Jay! We want
Jay!' while others doused the Committee with catcalls, Bronx
cheers and whistles. The rising noise soon amplified into vigorous tapping on
the floor and overturning of chairs.
The Senators got up and quickly filed out of
the room, leaving Jay in the center of the table with his hand still raised as
he attempted to answer the Chairman's last comments.
He
slowly arose and, as he did so, and responding to his slow and majestic motion,
the noise subsided. Again, an impenetrable silence shrouded the room. And it
seemed as if the overhead lamps were directing their rays at the figure in the
center of the room.
Jay,
now standing, raised his head and slowly made a complete circle so that he
could see every side of the room. He raised both hands and said:
"We
must forgive them, they don't know what the f. . k they are doing!"
THE END
Editor’s
Note:
By
popular demand we are including below other endings to this story. Jay does not
mind.
ANOTHER ENDING:
Jay,
now standing, raised his head and slowly made a complete circle so that he
could see every side of the room. He raised both hands and said:
"Please,
please! There is no reason to harbor any animosity toward the committee. Their
point of view and their decision - as erroneous as it might seem to you - is
protected by the rights that are enjoyed by all in this great country. Let us
keep in mind that most of us are transient in this world but principles and
rights are permanent, if we respect them. As for me, please do not be
concerned. I shall continue my work and pray that at any one moment I can
provide any of you or yours with a moment of happiness and contentment. I bless
you all and I thank you!"
Cheers
erupted again, this time accompanied by a ditty that said:
"With
Jay
it is
always a great day!"
He
turned and left the room amid the flashes of the photographers and the furious
taping of VCR's and digital cameras. He gently refused to grant interviews and
was soon past the massive doors and down the well trod stone steps. As he
reached the sidewalk, a young man dressed in an impeccable chauffeur's uniform,
with his cap in his hand approached him and said in a pleasant tone:
"Mr.
Nazareth, would you please accompany me to the limousine"
He
looked beyond the chauffeur and saw a shiny 20 foot, 12 liter Cadillac
custom-made XL Limo by the curb. Intrigued, he followed the man who politely opened the door. He entered the
car and it seemed to him that he was in the parlor of an old fashioned B&O
luxury car . He quickly adjusted to the dim light and saw that the Vice
Chairman and the Chairman were both sitting on the comfortable, sofa-like
seats, each holding an expensive crystal glass half full of ice cubes and an unmistakable
amber colored liquid. They both smiled at him and motioned for him to sit down.
The Chairman spoke:
"Mister
Nazareth, one thing. Nothing personal about this hearing, you understand. We
want to talk to you about something more important than a cabinet position. Let
me come to the point. My colleague and I have special interests in the bread
and wine industries in this country. Now, you can do miracles with both of
them. How about a Vice-Presidency at 16 million year and a million share option
in 5 of the more profitable companies in the country?"
ANOTHER
Jay,
now standing, raised his head and slowly made a complete circle so that he
could see every side of the room. He nodded to people and left the room.
As he
entered the elevator, an attractive young lady smiled at him and extended her
hand with a visiting card.
"Mr.
Nazareth, I am with the Exponential Insurance Company. We want to talk to you
about this business of resuscitating people. It can do wonders with our life
insurance plans..."
ANOTHER
Jay,
now standing, raised his head and slowly made a complete circle so that he
could see every side of the room. He shook his head and quietly left the
building.
That
evening Jay went, as usual to Panettone's Pizza. As he sat in his corner booth savoring a
double cheese with pepperoni, scrambled zucchini and eggs special, a young girl
sat next to him.
"Jay"
she said in a husky voice and a Dunwoody accent "the girls and I have
decided that we need more protection than what we are getting from the Comini
brothers”.
ANOTHER
Jay
remained standing in the middle of the room for sometime. He did not know
whether to laugh or to be concerned. Obviously he had failed in attaining a
position that would enable him to do something for the people on earth. Then he
heard the familiar voice:
"Not to worry, son. I know what I wanted to
know. These nerds haven't changed a bit since the last time when I had to pull
you out of that cave, remember?"
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