The
only formula that can be applied to Health Care in any and all countries is
that there is no common formula. Each country must assess its own capabilities,
resources, general health conditions and, if properly done, it can then apply
the necessary measures. But, throughout history this has been and continues to
be a chore for the state. You can call the system what you want but it is still,
and should be, government-inspired, controlled and administered.”FDR
“Professor,
I return after a couple of months abroad and instead of finding the media
engaged in another maniac revolution involving Brittney, Jo, George, Lou, a
sports star, Cynthia and Senator What is his mane,I find a repulsive exposition whose theme
seems to be the Health Care Plan. What is the story?”
The
Professor smiled knowingly and said:
“Old
story my friend. One of the factions is raising as much hell as they can
against the Health Care Plan. It is both a political strategy and also a
convenient way to retain some of the perks subtly and not so subtly provided by
the insurance industry, the pharmaceutical industry, medical equipment supply
companies, and the legion of ‘advisers’, clinical gurus and ambulance chasers.”
“Political?”
“Yup.
If they can raise enough hell to force a negative vote for the Health Plan, it
translates as a serious defeat for the Obama administration.”
“And
the other reason/’
“Ah!
The perks. You know, out of 35,000 lobbyists in Washington, a good portion of
them, keep their ‘good friends in government’ supplied with bubble gum and
other inducements to be nice and friendly, just like some goat cheese dealers
did during the Roman Empire, when they kept the provincial governments and top
bureaucrats well supplied with Moroccan rugs, Egyptian companions and barrels
of wine from Terni, as long as they kept buying their cheese to feed the troops
and other bureaucrats!”
“But
how about the protests seen in the town hall meetings? Aren’t the people
expressing their thoughts, inner feelings and deep sentiments, just like Tom
Jefferson wanted them to do?”
“Ah!
That is a bit of dirty pool. Here is where the Art and Technology of
Distortion, Misinterpretation and Malice, earns its greatest accolade. The
opposition grabs a small detail remotely connected with the Plan and twists it
and pollutes it in such a way that it attracts those with a very limited
capacity to distinguish a Stop Sign from a poem by Hollingsworth. Then they
enlist some of those people that satisfy some perverse inner aspiration to add
to the mayhem; people like old Rush, Glenn, Bill, Sean, Sarah, Newt and my
cousin Elmer who was born an idiot and has improved with age and is now a
perfect one!”
“What
is the solution, Profe?”
“Go
away for another couple of months!”
November 18, 2009
The US Army is using so many outside contractors that troops are no longer needed. It looks as if wars, invasions and attacks, from now on will be carried out by contractors. Now, excuse me I have to go put together a few 'contractors' for Iran, Afghanistan, South Korea, Venezuela, Canada, Mexico, Norway. . . . . .
“Professor, when
you were appointed to that State Department position, did you have to go
through the type of hearing that Supreme Court candidates are now exposed to?”
‘Thank God, no.
My final confirmation was a meeting with three members of the Senate committee.
It lasted one hour, half of which was taken up by the amusing anecdotes
dispensed by one of the members.”
“You got off
easy, judging by the current Supreme Court Confirmation hearings.”
The Professor
shook his head vigorously and then let go:
“What we are
seeing is a farce. The entire process of exposing a potential Supreme Court
Judge to this ridiculous and senseless interrogation is in many ways the result
of the media frenzy in which we live. Nowhere in the Constitution or the
archives of either legislative body, is this circus included as an important
step in the selection process.”
“I
have to agree with you, Professor. Present practices seem to take place ina peculiar atmosphere where anyone within a
TV camera angle seeks to show its best profile and listen to his voice if a
microphone is pressed on his face. But tell me more.”
“Supreme Court
confirmation hearings have an interesting story. You see, until the
20th century, confirmation hearings were held behind closed doors; so that the
nomination process was not allowed to become a public event. The usual
procedure up to that time started with the President who would select one or
more candidates and discuss their qualifications with his immediate circle and
then announce his choice.”
Still shaking his head, he continued;
“Nowadays, the
President and the members of his staff, like the Vice President, Chief of
Staff, National Security Adviser and others, become part of the selection
process. The Justice
Department is also involved in the decision along with the Senate
Judiciary Committee, preparing lists of candidates that are carefully
scrutinized, investigated and whose judicial trajectories are carefully
analyzed.”
I said:
‘Fine. If they do their job well, once a candidate is
selected, there is no need for a public hearing of the kind that is now on the
menu. The degree of competency, personal, integrity and wisdom of the candidate
should have been established by then. Why can’t they hold a hearing with the
candidate proposed by the President where only two or three members of the
committee go through the final ritual?”
Another shake of the head and then the Professor
answered:
“Also, since 1930
the confirmation hearings have been open to the public. Again, a circus
atmosphere is created as many members of the Committee who do not seem to have
a solid grasp of the legal substance of the hearings, seek only those minutes
on camera that will earn them more affection from their lobbyists back home. Remember
that the hearings have been televised since 1981 and in all this time, a
certain technique has been adopted in the inquiring process which often becomes
an incriminating third degree sequence of no real value.”
The Professor looked at me and smiled. Then he added:
“Do not forget
the political angle. The political color of the outgoing justice
has to be taken into account. If a retiring justice is a political liberal,
Senate liberals tend to oppose a conservative candidate in order not to lose a
seat on the Court that agrees with their ideology. In cases like that the
president might nominate a moderate candidate. If, on the other hand, the
outgoing justice is a conservative, the Senate liberals might vote for a
conservative appointment in order to maintain a balanced Court.”
“Are there any
positive results in this unique process?”
“Are you
kidding? What are the TV networks, radio, cable and newspapers going to do
without the gossip and drama of the Nomination hearings?”
“Whether
you favor a Creationist Doctrine or an Evolutionist one, if you make an
intelligent and objective
appraisal of the basis of either doctrine, you must admit that to exist both
had to base their essence on what we can only qualify as strictly socialistic
values.”
Maurice Danremont
‘Professor, have you noticed that every
time a new wrinkle of the Recovery package is revealed, the labels
nationalization and socialism are automatically mentioned? “
“Yes and it is regrettable that such
labeling displays a degree of ignorance that tends to confuse the issues. The
assistance provided by the Government to banks, private financial institutions,
entire sectors of the housing and other industries and private enterprises, is
just another recovery mechanism used in the worst crisis of our history and
should not be labeled anything.!”
I added:
“It seems that the objective of the
opposition is to oppose, and I don’t mean a fair and constructive opposition,
but a continuous stream of exaggerations, falsehoods and distortions, all of
them wrapped not very skillfully by a demagogic tone that would make Sen.
McCarthy, Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and my rich cousin Elmo, pale with
envy! The terms socialism and nationalization have all of a sudden acquired a
repulsive undertone!”
The Professor smiled and observed:
“What people do not seem to realize is
that all modern governments to qualify, have to adopt policies and laws that
can be termed socialistic. The day the primitive cavemen agreed to let old
Kngrt (pronounced Nick – they were cavemen, remember?) act as their leader and
follow the simple rules he favored, they ceased to be independent entrepreneurs
and became part of a social system. They became ‘socialists’!”
He paused and then continued. The plot
was thickening:
“Most of the functions and policies of
modern governments – if you insist on being a purist – respond to a socialized
approach, meaning that every time a government assumes a position on any issue,
it has to satisfy the needs of the society it represents, Carried to a extreme,
these positions can be detrimental as in the case of many systems that evolve
into dictatorships or centralized decision-making gangs, but the ‘social’
process has been there from the beginning, my friend!”
“An example, Professor?”
“Any of the million benefits you enjoy
in anymodern society.School systems,public, private or in between; the variety of
security measures provided by your government including the motorcycle cop that
gives tickets to little old ladies, are a social service and the only way they
can operate efficiently is if they follow a strict rule book supervised by its
government. All public services have their origin in a social need and the development
of social guidelines, which you can term socialized measures and like all other
measures, requires the control of the existing government!”
I asked:
“Where does capitalism enter into all
this?”
“You should ask the cattle barons, the
fat owners of the original train systems and many others that, through their
own efforts, accumulated wealth and power and had little concerns for the
people that helped them create that wealth. They invented capitalism, borrowing
some of the concepts of the Founding Fathers, also wealthy merchants reluctant
to keep the British Empire in
Champagne
and Silk stockings. Free enterprise sounds great and it is a reality in our
country, but when you allow that freedom to turn ugly, like our sub prime
mortgages, exorbitant salaries, corruption, lobbying, cheating at golf and
stealing towels from Holiday Inns, capitalism shows its negative values. Any
measure employed to correct and improve it should be welcome!”
“Professor, do not make it sound as if
being wealthy is a sin!”
“Not at all. The fly in the ointment is simply that the
wealthiest have become wealthier while the middle class has experience a net
loss in values received, and let us not forget that class of people that make
less than 60 thou a year. We must not ignore the fact that the current economic
crisis is the result of the exorbitant greed of the super rich. If there has
ever been a period in which accountability, responsibility and self
controlwas nowhere to be seen, the last
few years have been it!”
“How about the present rhetorical war between Democrats
and Republicans?’
“Good question. If the present government manages to
stabilize and prevent worse developments in our economy; it is to be hoped that
the proper measures be attached to any and all solutions and that all of us can
again enjoy the fruits of the American Dream. If that happens, the Republicans
will have to take a cold shower and electrocute its present management and
related zoo. The Republican Party is too good a symbol to allow it to join the
stuff that goes in sewers!”
Ladies
bare arms are not only a show of comfort but also a symbol of self assurance
and personal esteem. But these qualities – to reaffirm their presence – must
also respond to those attributes that codify the entire length of the arm and
important areas like its shape, form and consistency and its connection to the shoulders,
where the careful care of elbows and the cheerful presence of the wrists with
hands and fingers must be considered.
Research
shows that the most attractive bare arms can be found in the female sex as it reaches
its early teens. From the chubby, rounded bare arms of pre-teenage girls to the
smooth muscular shapes of girls as they enter maturity, bare arms provide the ideal
complement to the dress covering the rest of the female body.
Fashion,
of course, follows the development of ladies bare arms from childhood to older
years. Fashion also dictates in no uncertain manner, the proper enhancement of
bare arms in terms of that important area where shoulders meet the arms. Even
Adam, it was rumored, admired Eve’s arms even if he could easily be distracted
by other features of Eve’s dominating presence.
A
dress with a sloppy shoulder connection can easily ruin the effect of a pair of
arms that display beauty and charm. The dress – at that point – must be
designed to permit free movement of the upper arms and the upper thorax and it
own enchantments. It is clear that the dress design must allow for a wide
connection where other objectives besides comfort, have to be considered; for
instance - and depending on the overall physical structure of the wearer – a
connection deliberately large might allow for glimpses of the area that
connects breasts with the shoulder-arm extension. No doubt that an erotic value
of such arrangement can be quickly noticed. Here again, fashion rules:
depending on the shape, form and volume of the items in the ‘connector’, the
opening must be discreet and at the same time adventurous enough to give a
fleeting impression of tempting flirtation.
But,
like most gifts of nature, display of bare arms must adhere to severe
restrictions. A rough estimate and survey shows that ladies bare arms must not
be adopted beyond the ages of 38 to 45. The ageing factor enters the equation
and the healthy, well rounded arms begin to lose their muscle tone in favor of
unwanted fat and what is worse, wrinkles, skin spots and other signs of
caducity. The result transforms that beautiful instrument that is the female
arm into an appendage that does just that: it appends extra fat and wrinkles !
When
that happens, do like cousin Virgil does: start admiring the bare arms of young
construction workers, marine sergeants and athletes whose weight do not exceed
180 pounds!
Please
do not ask. Cousin Virgil is happy the way it is!
I asked the Professor, referring to the push, pull and twist
performance offered to us by the Democrat and Republican Parties under the
shade of the White House’s new management.
The Professor shook his head sadly and replied:
“Allow me to quote a great philosopher who said, ‘If humans
had been made responsible for the creation of man, they would still be arguing
about whether that protein or that bacteria were the right one to get the
process started!’
All I could say was:
“A good thing someone else did the job, as imperfect as the
results were. Now, give me your view on this disgusting situation dealing with the
approval of the Stimulus Package.”
The Professor smiled and continued:
“I think they all failed to appreciate the seriousness of
the situation. On the one hand, the Package has been used to include all kind
of non-essential items in a clear demonstration of the erotic attraction pork
has on anyone in our government. In this respect, the President and his staff
have failed to remove those items that were certain to give the opposition an
orgasm of rebuttals, criticism and plain ole bitching. In my opinion, I begin
to detect an atmosphere in
Washington
reminiscent of that at the Roman Senate around the time the Visigoths and the
Germanic tribes descended on the empire! The two main factions in the Roman
Senate could roughly be compared to our Republican and Democrats, or if you
wish, Conservatives and Liberals.”
I said: “That is an interesting observation, Prof. Kindly
expand.”
“Happy to, sir. But before, I must have a cappuccino
properly escorted by those delightful apple pie biscuits that only the Belgians
can make!”
Moments later the Professor expanded, as requested:
“The Roman Senate created lobbyism, pork projects, bribery,
blackmail and all sort of irregularly convincing techniques that acted against
the moral and ethical nature of the Senate. Their corruption reached levels
that made it easier for the conquered empires, kingdoms and provinces, to set
their own course and eventually led to
the collapse of the empire in the 15th century. The effectiveness of
the Senate as a means of control and supervision of a large empire, had gradually
turned into an oratory contest where the interests of the people were totally
ignored.”
“How about opposition?’
“If one of the parties enjoyed a majority position, the
whole thing turned into a dictatorial exercise, something not unusual in our
own coop. So, protection against imposed rulings developed into a new industry.
“What industry?”
‘The most common was the poisoning industry. Exotic
compounds from
Northern Africa
became popular
and could be administered easily. Then you hadthe deadly use of sharp instruments from Gallia, Iberia and Greece and a
variety of accidents that included from deadly snake bites to drowning, chariot
accidents and waves of “self inflicted” hangings; the use of poisonous snakes imported
from Egypt, whose bites could hardly be detected and could kill a person in
seconds, was a favorite..”
Then I asked:
“How do you explain the current differences among our
Republicans and our Democrats concerning the Stimulus Package?”
The Professor smiled and answered:
“It is a sad picture. It seems the package was put together
on the spur of the moment and did not benefit from the expertise of President
Obama’s top economic experts, whether they had tax payments pending or not. As
Jack Welch, former GE’s CEO put it: ’It is like having a man suffering from a
heart attack and instead of getting him on an ambulance the people around him
worry about getting him new shoes!”
We laughed and then the Professor added:
“You do not have to be an economics genius to establish the
immediate needs that should be addressed:cure for mortgage ills, embark on a balanced tax cut program and prop up
the banks, all this done within strict codes and regulations. I just hope that
the two factions get together and give our sick economy a push. Bickering is
not taking us anywhere and sometime some form of collaboration must be
developed!”
I suddenly had a bright idea. I asked:
“Do you know the type of poisonous snakes the Romans used?”
“Our health is the dearest treasure we have.The more we learn about the ways to protect
it, the larger blessing it becomes”
Doctor Phil Tardani
The
professor does not cease to surprise me. This time he had been invited to attend
a symposium on Cancer and Cell Mutations, that took place in Vesenaz, a small
suburb of
Geneva
,
Switzerland
. My interest resulted
from the fact that I had spent some of my childhood years in that lovely
village and, also, I could not miss the opportunity to learn the latest about
this terrible illness.
“Prof,
I did not know that you were also interested in such scientific disciplines. I
always thought that your research objectives in the Life Sciences remained
within the areas of large scale prevention of the more common illnesses and continuous
encouragement for research.”
“Wrong
conclusion on your part” replied the Professor. I have done work on Genetics
and recently have looked at the most deadly of all cellular deficiencies.
Cancer is still a major killer; cure and treatment of some of its many forms so
far, has enjoyed a modest success. As in the case of DNA manipulation in stem
cells, cancerous genes demand a special treatment. The difference is that such cancer
research does not attempt against any procedures that might offend moral,
ethical or religious ideas as is the case with Stem Cell research.”
Like
most of the Professor’s projects in these important areas, his contribution was
not limited to funding but also to actual work in development and the time
consuming activity in the coordination of the various entities and specialists
involved. I became instantly curious; he would not engage in such a delicate area
unless there was something that could yield positive results. I said:
“If
you promise to explain to me in terms that can be understood by a Junior High
student, I shall be glad to brew the coffee, cut a few pieces of that Belgian
Coffee cake, warm them in the microwave and pour two modest shots of Remy
Martin!”
He
laughed and answered;
“Agreed.While you busy yourself in the pantry, I
shall look at my notes.”
In
few minutes we sat down in front of the coffee table where thetray of goodies and the coffee were on
display. He begun:
“The
starting point of this project is simply that the genes of a person with cancer
have been successfully decoded and in the process they found a set of mutations
that may be the cause of the disease.”
“How
did they managed that?”
“The
cells of a patient who died from leukemia sequenced all the DNA from her cancer
cellsand that allowed for comparison
with the DNA from her healthy cells. In the process, they identified several
mutations in the cancer cells. These were responsible for abnormal growth and
somehow neutralized the effects of chemotherapy, which has been partially
successful in the elimination of mutant cells.”
Aware
that the Professor would enlighten me and in the process throw at me a few
hundred new scientific terms, I had to ask:
“What
the heck is that DNA genome sequence that seems so popular this day? Popular
among the learned ones, that is.”
‘Think
of DNA as a string of pearls, except that we call the pearls nucleotides and
the string a genome. Now, what they discussed in Vesenaz was an update on some
of the more salient conclusions of the Human Genome Project in the year 2000,
which produced the largest DNA sequence ever assembled.”
“How
about that ‘sequencing’ that is often mentioned/’
“It
is a biochemical method used to determine the order of bases in the nucleotide
string and from there identification can be made of mutants and other
deficiencies. Since cancer is strictly a disease of the genome, it is important
to know about the rules that affect some of those components that take the
wrong way!”
We
honored some of the cake and after a cautious sip of the cognac, I asked the
Professor:
“Where
do stem cells figure in all this?’
“So
far we can only guess. The field of application is limitless. In few words, my
friend, stem cells can be used in what I would call ‘tissue engineering’, or
the possibility to patch up or build entire sections of organs using the
patient’s own cells. This way if you rebuild some tissue or organ in your body,
you will not need that eternal need to take strong medicines that will protect
you against rejection.”
I
continued to be amazed at the possibilities that new scientific investigations
are beginning to suggest eventual cure for all ailments and probably eternal
life. I said so.
The
Professor laughed:
“Not
so fast, my friend. Do not plan to stem cell yourself and expect that there
will be a marked improvement in your ballroom dancing or, more important, in
your golf game. My own research of your aptitudes in such important fields is
that there is no hope!”
“Nations
invariably suffer the consequences best described by the precept that says that
you end up lying in the bed that you just made up!”Maruta
It is Christmas
2009 at the White House:
Joe Lieberman
knocked on the door of the Oval Office and,after hearing the voice of Sarah Palin, the Vice President, telling him
to come in, entered carrying the mid morning tray. For Joe, it had been a great
year.After many years of toiling for a
wrong set of principles, he had found the rebirth of his emotions, ambitions
and desires in the magnanimous treatment he had received from the previous
occupant of the White House and the specific recommendation that he made to his
successor to preserve Joe’s position and privileges.
President McCain
sat in the special reclining chair behind the desk discreetly connected to a
battery of electronic screens, monitors and sensing devices cleverly hidden
within the oak antique cabinet behind the chair. Sarah Palin, the Vice
President stretched out on one of the large sofas that had been fashionably
covered with Kodiak Bear skin.
Joe proceeded to
serve the two cups of coffee and to remove the cover of the tray containing the
Vice President’s midmorning snack of Alaska Sea Urchins, boiled Whale Tongue in
a cabbage and mustard sauce, and the tasty Juneau crackers. The President’s snack on the
other hand, consisted of a multicolored variety of pills taken with Arizona
Honey diluted with Anheuser-Bush beer.
Anticipating a
major policy discussion in his presence, Joe finally felt the elation and pride
that had eluded him for too long. Mowing the lawn of the White House, driving
the ranch’s pick up truck to run errands in nearby Crawford, and having had to
learn to saddle the president’s favorite mare were not the tasks he expected,
or was qualified to do. But being near the sources of power, international intrigue and universal relevance, was enough
for him.
Vice President Sarah
Palin read from her pink leather-covered notebook:
’The invasion of Iran went like Vaseline on a dog sled. Same as Afghanistan; there was no need to
‘surge’ or build miles of tall walls to keep noisy students quiet. The great
news was that Syria has
joined our armies same as Lebanon,Oman, Ethiopia, Yemen
and what is left of Iraq.
The Egyptians are thinking about it, while Israel has agreed to supply
rockets, fine bolts of gabardine, chicken soup, water bottles and aspirins to
the new coalition. OPEC, the Emirates and Saudi Arabia agreed to drill and
produce crude oil in accordance with strict schedules. Gasoline is now sixty cents
a gallon in the US!
President McCain
smiled satisfied and proud of having a most efficient vice-president. She had
already shown molten steel in her veins and her extensive female attributes
have made Dick Cheney appear as an elderly, mild, vacillating and timid
executive. He smiled at Joe and asked : “Joe, where is Lindsay Graham?”
Joe, still
standing up by the door answered quickly:
“He went to
Walmart to buy napkins and toilet paper after he finished iroing your shirts”
He paused and then asked the vice president:
“How about the
Immigration problems? Has Lou Dobbs, the new Secretary of People Displacements,
secured the borders?”
“Not yet”
answered Sarah as the President was now busy on the phone talking to someone
about new orange dresses, 5,000 dollar shoes and the new and improved Botox
treatments.
She looked at
Joe and asked him;
“Joe, why the
hell are you so concerned about illegal immigrants?’
Joe blushed and
in a low tone replied:
“If we let Lou
Dobbs secure our borders, where is our family enterprise, the Lieberman
Domestic Employment Agency going to get its workers?”
Sarah Palin’s appearance on the US
political horizon, weeks before the presidential elections of 2008, has caused
more commotion in the media and political circles than that expected to take
place the day Osama Bin Laden is found surrounded by lawyers in his Manhattan
penthouse facing Central Park and apprehended without a fight.
Finally I was
able to obtain an interview with Senator McCain. We have met a number of times
in the last century and also in this one. But it created a problem for me as I
had accepted to meet with Alaska Governor Sandra Palin in
Anchorage for a day long “hanging around”, as
she put it.
When our CEO
heard of the Palin invitation and, aware of the importance of the McCain
séance, she decided to handle Palin herself while I would “do” McCain. Ms Patricia
Ferrari, our beloved CEO operates out of a luxurious office in Mayfair in London and is the author
of several books. She and I collaborated in this article that is distinguished
by the zest and wit introduced by Ms Ferrari.
Ms Ferrari was
clearly excited about this assignment. Besides, she had never been to
Alaska and in recent
weeks had heard so much about it, via Sarah Palin that she was anxious to go.
She said to me:
‘You take care
of the Old Man and I go hang around with Sarah. By the way, do they speak
English in Anchorage ?”
The meeting took
place in the Palin’s apartment at the Sheraton Anchorage Hotel, on fashionable East 6th Street and
just a corner away from Ginocchio’s, that outstanding restaurant that
transforms a simple meal into a carnival of the Senses.
Ms Palin is
usually accompanied by her 5 children, whose names would be easy to remember if
you are a Street Guide editor. They are Track and Trig, the boys and Bristol, Willow
and Piper the girls. Why those names? Well, that is another story.
Under those
conditions, a smiling but silent husband and 5 lively, noisy and demanding children,
any interview demands special concentration.
“We know that it
must have been a shock for you to be asked all of a sudden to become the
nominee for Vice President. How did this affect you?”
“Listen Jane, if
you are the Governor of the largest state in the Union there are darn few things that are going to affect you. Besides, I have always
kept in mind Thomas Jefferson’s words, Jean Jacques Rousseau lectures and even
some of Plato’s reflections on the normal tendencies of responsible government
officials to magnify and improve their own capabilities and their own desires
to be able to serve those who have deposited their trust on them. It was easy, Sally
my girl!”
She smiled
graciously while she attempted to do a quick diaper exchange of the screaming
baby and said as she turned toward me:
“Welcome to our
lil’ ol state. What did you say your name is?”
“Ferrari”
“Yes Todd. No I
don’t know where it is? Bristol,
have you seen daddy’s guide to the cultural gems of Walsilla?”
“Sorry, what did
you say your name is?”
“Ferrari”
Someone yelled
at that point:
“Mama, last time
I saw it Willow was using it as a door stop”.
“Willow, stop messin’ and
fetch daddy’s guide to the cultural gems of Walsilla!”
“I’m so sorry
Mizz er,,,,,, shall we…..”
“Ferrari ma’am.
Like the car” “F E R..”
“Excuse me
Mizz…….Track will you please help daddy find his guide to the cultural gems of
Walsilla, and while you’re at it tell daddy to go fetch Piper from his gun
club”.
“Right Mizz
Fercar, where did you say you’re from?”
“The UK ma’am”.
“Ah the Ukraine.
I’ve always wanted to visit the Caribbean, in
fact Biegun has suggested Todd and I take a little break down there next week
as there’s not a great deal goin’ on around here at the moment…….”
“I’m not from
the Ukraine ma’am, I’m from
the UK”.
“Ah..Todd….
where’s Biegun, there’s a little bitty question I need to ask him”. She looked
at me and smiled. She asked:
“And Mrs
Mercadona, I’ve heard so much about you, and ahh, where are you from?”
“Atlanta ma’am”.
“TODD……will you
PLEASE get Biegun out here…..NOW!”
Our CEO was
stunned. The obvious chaos that reigns in Ms Palin’s surroundings, while
charming in a way, does not allow for objective thinking and fluid transfer of
information, comments and wise observations. She noticed my silence and then I said:
“Listen up Governor,
at this rate this interview’s gonna take three weeks, so if it’s OK with you
I’ll put my 3 questions forward first; I can’t afford to miss my plane next
Friday. Mrs Palin, the imbroglio that has arisen around your decision to
convert to Hinduism, does it bother you?”
“Mizz Fercar,
I’m sure you’re aware I would never
presume to know what God’s will is and as I have always said let us not
pray that God is on our side, in a war, or any other time. But let us pray that
we are on God’s side. However, as times are gittin kinda hard we need a bit
more divine intervention around here and seein’ as us Hindu’s have 330,000
Gods, that can only help, don’t yer think?”
“Mmm”…. “Mrs. Palin how do you stand on the “immiseration”
of
Nigeria
and the consequential dramatic decline of the Kobo?”
At this point, she turned toward me and ignoring
my question said:
“You know, it gets harder all the time to get good
help. I had some help from Senator McCain’s influential neoconservatives,
who wasted no time in saddling me with Steve Biegun, a former number three on
the National Security Council, as my chief foreign policy adviser. So, in
addition to the children I have to look after Biegun!”
“TODD, TODD……where the hell is Biegun? I
need him here …..NOW!”
As the calling
subsided and she sat down, still holding the infant, I asked:
“Speaking of
Steve Biegun, whose views are well known, what do you expect from the neocon
faction of the Republican Party and the American Enterprise Institute? Or will
you adopt Cheneyism along with their views of national security issues?”
“You will have
to ask Senator McCain. I would not wish to give the impression of being an
indiscreet partner”
Taking
advantage of the brief period of peace and quiet in the room, I asked:
“We
read that in one of your first television interviews, you said Nato may have to
go to war with Russia and took a tough line on Iran's nuclear programme,
insisting that the US should keep all options on the table, meaning that an
alert should be in effect at all times. Any comments?”
“I don’t want my
children to grow up with the fear in their hearts of a sudden mushroom cloud
appearing in our placid lakes and beautiful mountain ranges. Do you?’
At
that moment a waiter came in with a cart full of soft drinks, chips, cheese
corners, candy bars, Oreos, and a plate full of what resembled Beef Jerky. In
no time at all, the room acquired again its chaotic rhythm. She stood up and
placed some of the beef jerky on a plate and offered it to me;
“While
you are in Alaska you should try the best
moose jerky from here to Moscow!
I prepared this jerky myself!”
I
did. Not bad. Then I concluded the interview with:
“Mmm” …. “Mrs
Palin, critics of your new book “101 Things To Do With A Dead Moose” have not
exactly applauded either your literary or culinary skills. In fact Sam Anderson
described your work as “utter codswallop. In view of this do you feel it wise
to cogitate on further pursuing this line of work?”
She yelled once
more: “TODD……will you PLEASE get Biegun out here…..NOW!”
I have spent the
last few days on the house telephone, the cell phones, the fax machine, the
computer message wizard, the telegraph and other means of contact with my
brokers, investment bankers, agents and portfolio coordinators. I am scared
and, like most Americans do not know what to do or what to think.
I had to see
Teacher. He should be able to paint an avenue of optimism and provide emotional
control in this crucial period where past omissions have forever changed the
magic name of a famous street in
Manhattan
.
“First of all”
he said while lighting a ten dollar Cohiba, “ accept the debacle in all its impressive
colors and worry about how far under the current it is going to take us!”
“That does not
sound very encouraging, not to say conciliatory, Teach!”
He looked at me
with a serious look and sentenced:
“You ain’t seen
nothing yet, my friend, as senator McCain would say!”
“Can you please
enlighten me? My students are literally puncturing my eardrums along with my
ego with non-stop questioning about this crisis. It is even more crucial to
some whose families have long-established ties with Wall Street. I never
dreamed that colleges for girls would turn out such intellectually acute and up-to-date
young females. Sometime it feels as if they belong to another species!”
“They do, my
friend, they do”
He looked out
the windows and said:
“I am going to
give you a review of what has happened to cause this crisis and what it means.
It will be in capsule form. More detailed analysis and how to fix it will cost
you another bottle of Remy Martin!”
So, he gave it
to me:
“Keyto the entire problem: Lack of regulations,
coupled with enormous doses of greed.
Mortgage company
sells its mortgages of overvalued assets to financial gang. Gang turns them
into securities and sells them to Wall Street operators, foreign banks, investment
groups, local and foreign, and the cute nurse in the First Aid station. At a
profit of course, using borrowed money from banks, who are also itching to get
in the mortgage security game. Remember that we are talking about overpriced house
values in a market of home acquisitions never seen before. This will last forever,
they all thought, smart as they are. The regulators turn the other cheek!”
Teach took one
of his usual rest periods which he used to bring a fresh pot of coffee and a
plate full of Cinnamon and Apple Pastry.
I asked: “You
mean to say that this crisis can be traced to lack of control in the handling
of mortgage and in particular sub prime mortgages? Isn’t the entire mortgage option
regulated by each state?”
“Right on the
nose, my friend. The greedy ones quickly noticed the lack of attention from
State Regulatory institutions and converted those mortgages into paper that
came wrapped in exaggerations and illusory promises backed by the old cadences
of the American Dream. All this time the Fed and the Treasury were more concerned
about the new menus at the Ritz in
London
.”
This whole thing
sounded to me like an Ocean 11 episode. Crime at its most refined! I ventured
to ask”
“Teach, what is
next?”
He finally smiled,
but sadly. He replied:
“I am sorry for
your girl students along with a few million of fellow citizens. For a while at
least there will be no splurging every time there is a birthday to celebrate, a
reunion to attend in the
Virgin Islands
and a
new Jag or Lamborghini to break in.”
“Any message for
my readers?’
Aware of the
drama of the moment he replied in his best Vincent Price tone:
Melvin and I met
when we were both 6 years old. We cemented a friendship that has lasted to this
day.
While I toiled
hard to secure a position in the shoe polish industry, Melvin’s career was the
proverbial meteoric dash. By the age of 30 he had become CEO of an Investment
Bank, part of a family conglomerate that also includes hotel chains, a soccer
team, an airline and a famous Las Vegas R&R joint.
Following the
American tradition, he started at the top throughout his entire career. The
generous donations by his parents to elementary, high and private schools,
later transferred to some of the Ivy League campuses, placed him always at the
top of his class, confirming once more that the elusive American Dream is not
that elusive.
We sat at the
Bull & Bear at the Waldorf and properly stimulated by one of Walter’s dry
martinis, I had to ask him about the financial meltdown.
He looked at me
and smiled, knowing that his explanation would go by me the same way the 8 am
Amtrak flies by Evan’s Crossing:
“You have to
take into account that Government intervention is conditioned to unique
parameters that compromise not only values and extrapolated projections in the
financial markets but it also points to the existence of extreme risks in the
global financial system that extends easily into federal regulators, that is if
regulations have been in place or if some non-accrued latitude has been bound
with poor quality collateral like junk bonds of doubtful loan packages which
means that the Fed will have to come up with some middle term emergency loan
plans either by default of cash flows or uninhibited referral to use of
depreciation and amortization reserves that do not impinge on healthy balance
sheets, unless the guarantees are there but not before some of the trillion
dollar obligations have been properly indentured and are at least incorporated
into a relief formula that can keep the Treasury Department’s position
regarding accrual formulas of recovery and perhaps transfers and assignations
within modules of long term financing that can be acceptable to debtors and
entities backed by currency variations and assessments . Is that clear?”
All I could say
was:
“Crystal,
Melvin. Now, what is this about Fannie and Mac? How come this couple gets all
the attention when there are millions of couples waiting expectantly for some
solution to their immediate mortgage problems? Are they related to some of the
Pashas in Wall Street?’
He smiled and
answered;
“You got it
wrong, they are two insurance companies called Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
“I see. Now, is
there a solution to this financial crisis?”
“Yes. After the
Government gets through helping the financial sector, it will have to regulate
real estate, energy, utilities, land leases, school curriculums,
transportation, sports, Movies and Television, CEO salaries, the pill making
industry, the farm universe, the publishing industry, all kindergartens, import
and exports of all types, ID cards, travel permits, Gay and Lesbie
associations, Internet postings and diaper manufacture!”
“Gee, all this
sound familiar, You are not talking Socialism, are you?
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